he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
