It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize