Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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