somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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