But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
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