I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
