scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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