why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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