I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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