That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize