just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
