Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
