i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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