my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
