Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize