You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
im drinking this country out of the recession.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
