she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
