how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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