he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
