Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
