I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
