i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
