I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
