Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
The air was thick with penises
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
