The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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