o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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