y did u give ur computer a hand job?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
