based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
