I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
