he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
