my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
