friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
