I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
