Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
