apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
