i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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