he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
