Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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