So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
