did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
