She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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