I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
