I'm laying in your front yard are you home
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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