So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
