go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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