All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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