giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
