Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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