I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
