you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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