Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Randomize
