Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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