i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
