its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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