Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
