I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
