I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
