omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i think i have herpe
just one?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
