just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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