I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
