Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
