best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
