The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
you will always have a special place in my vag
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
