FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
