Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
