Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
