Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Randomize
