I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
