I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
