i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
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i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
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