I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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