Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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