Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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