It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
