Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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