Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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