Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
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I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
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