Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize