Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
