either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
