He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
