ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
