i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
