i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
