I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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