Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I made him laugh his dick is mine
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
